In working with Project Read, I have improved myself a lot.  I feel more confident. But, I feel uncomfortable speaking up.  I think that it is important to explore this idea with other Project Read learners.  Since I have been working with my Project Read tutor, I find myself feeling comfortable talking with her because it is just two of us, and we are sitting privately together.  But in a group meeting it is difficult for me to speak up.
    For example, at work when the supervisor has a discussion during the meeting, I have an opinion and won’t speak up.  I go out of the meeting unhappy, but I say to my mind, “Forget about it Mattie,” but I am still unhappy.  The supervisor even asks, “Does anyone have any questions?” and I just sit there with butterflies going through my body.
    A lot of the time I won’t speak up because I am worried I will phrase it wrong.  Why I have doubts in my mind about speaking up is because when I do speak up, in the background people laugh, and I laugh too to cover up my embarrassment.  Sometimes I won’t speak up because I think I will hurt the other person’s feelings.  I often wonder if I hurt the person’s feelings or not or if I offended the boss.
    Not speaking up sometimes is good because it’s good just to listen.  It is also good to be neutral.  On the other hand, for not speaking up you can get left out of things.  If you don’t speak up at the right time you will get a mental sick in the mind.  For not speaking up I perspire and get little pains in my head.
    Here is a suggestion.  Look at the person in the eyes and speak up without anger.  If I hold the thoughts in too long, then, when I do speak up, my voice gets loud and my co-workers get surprised.  They get funny looks on their faces and their eyes get big.  They look like they are afraid of me.  But I know they are not.  For not speaking up you can hold in too much stress.  It can make you lose your temper.
    In conclusion, I think that it is a mistake not to speak up.  So, speak up and be happy and at ease with your mind.  Feed the soul and the body with your power and the release from distress.

I have gone back to San Francisco City College for my GED. I missed part of the semester, but I also went to summer classes to make up for those months that I missed.
    I feel different now, but I don’t know why. I guess it’s because I had a lot of things on my mind. School and work was not one of them. I told myself to give it one more try.
    I have my own apartment now and I have to do things on my own now. I have to think for myself now because I was so used to everybody doing things for me that I did not do much of anything.
    It feels good at times being on my own, but the only thing that I regret is that I messed up during my pregnancy with my daughter and son because I had been drinking.
    I tell them to go to school now while they have the chance because I want them to get a better education than I did and to do the best they can. Schools now have more to offer kids then when I was growing up.
    I have had surgery on my hips and on my eyes, so I have had some problems in my life.  I was also drinking. They do say that life is not perfect, right?
    I do miss my mother a lot since she has passed away in 1995. She was my mother and best friend. When we used to get bored, we would go to the park, go shopping, watch Elvis movies on TV. We would also watch soap operas. Now I get lonely just thinking about her. Sometimes I just look at her picture and cry. I just wish she could have had fun watching her grandkids grow up, getting married and having kids of their own.
    I wish I could go back and fix everything that I did with my kids, but I know that can’t happen.  I do love my kids even if I don’t show it that much.
    If I had one wish, I would wish that my sister and I were closer as a family. I just wish we could do things like some sisters do. I don’t know what I did, but I wish I knew what it was so I could make it better for the both of us.
    I hope our family gets closer soon.

About two or three years ago I got involved with the Project Read family. By the way I use phrases you might think that I was a tutor, but I am not: I’m a student. I got involved with the family for the reason that most people do: I could not read.
    The first day of class was an orientation that was conducted by Leon. I know it’s not nice to stereotype people, but when I first saw him, I thought he was a student like myself. After introducing himself, he began his speech by saying that he was a prior student who is working on a degree in graphic design or something in that nature. I looked at him with amazement, thinking to myself that this was someone with a past that was similar to my own and if he can do it why can’t I.
    The first few months were very difficult for me. I did not realize how bad my problem was. It was hard for Project Read to place me with a tutor at first, so I had to rely on the staff members for help. They made learning more of a game than a struggle for me. With different types of programs that were made for the computer, I started to learn at an acceptable pace but I was feeling like the games were childish and beneath me. I was like a newborn trying to learn how to run, (forget crawling.) So, I decided that I would try to write a journal. I titled it “What’s the Matter with Your Life.” It talked about problems that people go through on a daily basis.
    With the combined work from the computer, my journal and the staff members, I was learning at an accelerated speed. A few weeks later I was placed with my tutor. I thought, “Now it’s going to be smooth sailing,” but it wasn’t.
    I cannot say for sure but I believe that this was my tutor’s first time teaching. I can recall one incident when I was having problems on the computer and Leon came by to help me out. My tutor was sitting right next to me, not saying a word, reading some “How To” book. This was when I remembered what Leon said on the first day of orientation: “If a tutor does not work out for you, tell us and we will try to place you with another.” So, after this continued on for a few weeks, I requested another tutor.
    I was told by Heather, a staff member of Project Read, about a new tutor by the name of Dena. She was into poetry and story writing, and these were two topics I was interested in doing. I guess you can say that it was fate that we were placed together because she was originally supposed to be placed with another student. It’s now been almost two years that we’ve been together and everything has been going fine even though we haven’t done any poetry yet.
    I never understood what was the big thrill of being a volunteer tutor until I encountered you guys. I know if I were to ask each one of the tutors and staff members “what do you expect to get out of this?” they would probably all say the same thing. It’s the joy from being able to help someone, to make a change in someone’s life for the better, to give a person the tools and motivation that are needed to make it in today’s society.
    So to Tara for her prompt schedule keeping and friendly hello; to Warren for making sure that my story or postcard is submitted to him on time; to Jeff who has given me a  tremendous amount of help on the computer; to Heather for the placement of my tutor; to Leon for showing me that it can be done, it’s not impossible; to Lynne for her uplifting and motivating words; and to Dena who has shown me something what was hard for me to conceive: I need to learn how to walk before I can run.